My Sister Read my Blog

I feel like such a jerk.  I hurt her feelings and I feel so stupid for venting publicly about something that could cause hard feelings.  I tell myself I didn't think she would read my blog, but I did know she had read it a time or two.  When I made that post I hadn't intended to say what I did, but once I started whining I couldn't seem to stop.  I could argue that I didn't say anything that wasn't true, that I wasn't intending to be mean, or that most of what I mentioned Alesia and I had already openly discussed.  But I reread it after she told me, and I know if our positions had been reversed, my feelings would have been hurt, too.

I feel like such a jerk.  I'm sure it was important to Alesia to make a good impression with my friends, and it must be embarrassing to "overhear" me saying negative stuff about her. 

Of course, since I was whiny, my post didn't mention all of the things she's done for me since she has been here.  The truth is, she has bent over backwards trying to minimize the impact of her stay.  We have talked openly about every issue as it has arisen, and I have been impressed with how well we have worked out such details.  She has listened  carefully to me, and acted on my comments in order to make my life easier (Don't you just dream that your spouse could be so receptive?!).  When I said I hate unloading the dishwasher, she started doing it first thing every morning before I could get to it.  She has washed and folded more of my laundry than I have since she's been here, and if I am constantly cleaning up dishes and clutter, well, so is she.  She is always puttering in the kitchen taking care of something that needs doing.  Whenever I've told her we have a hard time getting to a task, she will step in and do it.  She has never once been in my space, and I've never felt like she was in my way.

That having 5 or 6 extra bodies around was bound to cause some stress was not news to either one of us.  But she now feels she has overstayed her welcome, even though we had initially agreed that a month was a reasonable time frame.  I didn't...and still don't feel she's stayed too long.  I realize now that I was worried because it didn't seem like she was getting closer making the next step.   I know she wanted me to tell her if I had any issues with her, but I didn't want to pressure her when I knew she was already dealing with so much.  My brother in law arriving was a catalyst moment, and it took a few days for them to evaluate their situation and make some decisions.  My whiny post came in the middle of that process. If I could have just kept my mouth shut for a few days, things would have been better.

 Now she's planning to leave, and even though she reassures me that it's not because of my blog, and even though we knew it was getting to be time that something needed to happen, that last thing I wanted was for it to happen like this, and I feel like I've totally blown it.

I wanted to be here to support her and help her out.  I knew she was considering some tremendous life changes, and I wanted to make it easier for her if I could.  I love her, and I like being with her, and I loved having her meet my friends, and enjoyed tremendously the idea that she could make a life up here, and connect with some of the great people I've been fortunate enough to get to know.  The last thing I ever wanted was to make her feel like she wasn't wanted.

See, I knew I was about to #%&@ something up.  I predicted it in my last post. I sure didn't expect it to be this.

I'm Tired & Whiny

I've had 11 (now 12, because my Brother in Law Ross has just arrived) extra bodies in my home for 22 days now.  I've been taking my kids to Chinese Dance, Summer Camp, Soccer Camp, Park Days, Sleepovers, and Play Days all summer.  I've been hosting weekly 4H meetings and frantically trying to get the kids ready for fair without really even knowing what I'm doing.  I've been trying to coordinate meals with people who are particular about what they eat, but who won't tell you in advance not to cook for them, or offer to cook separately for themselves.  My husband is either out of town or working like a dog in this heat, and so is usually rather grumpy, especially when I bring up the dreaded remodel projects still left to be done.

I'm watching my new home get "broken in" at an awesome rate because of the wear and tear of this many bodies in the house.  Frequent juice spills (my family doesn't drink much juice, but my guests do)  have invited ant invaders into my home for the first time in 12 years.  Even with my sister helping out a lot with the cleaning and some with the cooking, I'm spending much of my "spare" time trying to keep the clutter and dishes under control.  Clint is panicking at the numerous scratches and water spills occuring on the hardwood floor he worked so hard on. 

My 22 year old nephew is very careful not to contribute to the messes in any way, and works hard at staying out of the way, but doesn't seem to understand the concept of offering to help out with stuff in exchange for a free place to stay.  He will help if asked, but that is all.  Ditto with my teenage neice.  They are nice kids, but obviously weren't trained in the "Everyone who lives here must contribute something" theory of family life (this is what I tell my kids...it doesn't matter if you haven't contributed to the mess, if you are living in the house and enjoying the roof over your head, the computer, TV, and air conditioner, then you should be doing something substantial in exchange). 

My sister takes her whole family out of the house from time to time, to give me space, but it just makes me feel worse.  I look around the blessedly silent house and urgently want to clean and straighten and put eveything to rights and get my life back on track...but I know I can't, because it's not over.

Right before my sister & family came, my dad was here for 10 days.  My mom is planning to come visit soon.  Why would she not consider postponing her trip and givng me a break from visitors?  I have NO idea.

I'm not making it to the club anymore.  I can't find time to work out.  I'm not going to be able to finish this month's book group book because I'm only getting through about 10 pages a night before I pass out.  I don't get to read with the girls anymore because one of them  is always away at some activity, and because with their 7 1/2 year old cousin here they are having such an awesome time playing that they can't be bothered with stories.  But I miss it. 

Scheduling several summer activities didn't seem like a bad idea at the time.  We took the whole school year off; except for girl scouts and homeschooling we had no regular activities.  So a few short term summer classes seemed like a great idea.  Somehow, enough unexpected events have occured to completely overcrowd my life. It would be unfair to say it's just the visitors.  I would be overscheduled right now even without visitors. 

But it's hard not knowing how long they will be staying, knowing that they can't really leave because they have no home to go to.  What if they can't find a place for a long time?  They have very specific needs, and aren't receptive to the idea of finding a less than suitable place temporarily until the "right" place comes along.  While I can understand the hassle of moving twice, how long will we all be living under one roof? 

I think my sister was planning to stay a month.  But she isn't even close to finding the "right" place, and her husband just got here and still needs to look for work.  How can all that happen in one week?  

I'm sure I just need to develop the right attitude.  It's an excellent opportunity to practice Buddhist mindfullness and acceptance.  I should be proud that I have come so far that I can manage such a busy life and not fall apart, which is what I would have done five years ago. 

I'm just so tired. Not in body, but in mind.  My mind feels so crowded, I know I am going to start slipping.  I don't know what I will forget, or screw up, but it will be something.  Soon.

Busy Days

I WILL post to my blog soon! I need to learn to blog those short clever posts the way some of my fellow bloggers do! Maybe then I would post more often. Every day is so hectic lately, I hardly know which end is up. Still, I seem to find time to comment on everyone else's blog. What does that mean?

The Fellowship of the Ring

Shelby just finished reading Fellowship of the Ring, and wanted to watch the movie. So all the kids watched the movie, even Gillian and Tamzin. And NO bad dreams! Hooray! We've had lots of struggles with Gillian and scary dudes in movies, but she loved it and can't wait to watch The Two Towers.

Sisters are great

I like having my sister here. It's fun to be able to visit. Having eleven people living in one house is not without it's challenges, but the sister part is awesome. Especially since we agree on lots of stuff, like homeschooling. It would be tough if we didn't! Gillian is having the time of her life playing with her 7 1/2 year old cousin. He's active and rambunctious, like her, so they stay really busy together. And Tamzin plays along too, so they're a constantly occupied threesome. I always feel like I'm succeeding as a parent when my kids can play and have fun non stop from morning to night!

The Barbeque

I finally got to have a barbeque! I love having a few friends over for a relaxing evening of food, wine and conversation. Many thanks to my friends old and new for coming over and spending the evening with us. My kids had an outstanding time, and are wondering when we're going to do it again.

I think I need practice to be a better hostess, though. I felt like I was running to check on one thing or another just a bit too much. In fact, the party sort of ended and everyone started getting ready to leave while I was in the middle of figuring out why Rhiannon and Lisa were locked in my bedroom, playing in my closet! I think do better at birthday parties, where everything is prepared in advance. But Clint says you can't precook the BBQ food. I think I just need more practice!