My Sister Read my Blog

I feel like such a jerk.  I hurt her feelings and I feel so stupid for venting publicly about something that could cause hard feelings.  I tell myself I didn't think she would read my blog, but I did know she had read it a time or two.  When I made that post I hadn't intended to say what I did, but once I started whining I couldn't seem to stop.  I could argue that I didn't say anything that wasn't true, that I wasn't intending to be mean, or that most of what I mentioned Alesia and I had already openly discussed.  But I reread it after she told me, and I know if our positions had been reversed, my feelings would have been hurt, too.

I feel like such a jerk.  I'm sure it was important to Alesia to make a good impression with my friends, and it must be embarrassing to "overhear" me saying negative stuff about her. 

Of course, since I was whiny, my post didn't mention all of the things she's done for me since she has been here.  The truth is, she has bent over backwards trying to minimize the impact of her stay.  We have talked openly about every issue as it has arisen, and I have been impressed with how well we have worked out such details.  She has listened  carefully to me, and acted on my comments in order to make my life easier (Don't you just dream that your spouse could be so receptive?!).  When I said I hate unloading the dishwasher, she started doing it first thing every morning before I could get to it.  She has washed and folded more of my laundry than I have since she's been here, and if I am constantly cleaning up dishes and clutter, well, so is she.  She is always puttering in the kitchen taking care of something that needs doing.  Whenever I've told her we have a hard time getting to a task, she will step in and do it.  She has never once been in my space, and I've never felt like she was in my way.

That having 5 or 6 extra bodies around was bound to cause some stress was not news to either one of us.  But she now feels she has overstayed her welcome, even though we had initially agreed that a month was a reasonable time frame.  I didn't...and still don't feel she's stayed too long.  I realize now that I was worried because it didn't seem like she was getting closer making the next step.   I know she wanted me to tell her if I had any issues with her, but I didn't want to pressure her when I knew she was already dealing with so much.  My brother in law arriving was a catalyst moment, and it took a few days for them to evaluate their situation and make some decisions.  My whiny post came in the middle of that process. If I could have just kept my mouth shut for a few days, things would have been better.

 Now she's planning to leave, and even though she reassures me that it's not because of my blog, and even though we knew it was getting to be time that something needed to happen, that last thing I wanted was for it to happen like this, and I feel like I've totally blown it.

I wanted to be here to support her and help her out.  I knew she was considering some tremendous life changes, and I wanted to make it easier for her if I could.  I love her, and I like being with her, and I loved having her meet my friends, and enjoyed tremendously the idea that she could make a life up here, and connect with some of the great people I've been fortunate enough to get to know.  The last thing I ever wanted was to make her feel like she wasn't wanted.

See, I knew I was about to #%&@ something up.  I predicted it in my last post. I sure didn't expect it to be this.